By Muhammed Kamulegeya
Hello, my dear ones. My last love note was when you were turning 18. Now that you are about to turn 20, my appetite to educate you has gone up once again. My language is now more direct as well because you will join the university soon.
This particular letter, in a two-part series, will cover peer pressure, HIV, managing expectations in life and what the world expects of you. I shall conclude with some general issues and messages of inspiration.
I will talk about peer pressure, HIV and managing expectations. Peer pressure influences our lives at all levels. And although it is a subject you have been taught about since Primary Five, HIV is still as life-threatening as it has always been. Managing expectations in life is a challenge for all of us, and I feel it is important to discuss it in this note.
I will also talk about what the world expects of you because you will be working with people who want more, better, faster, and sooner and a balanced scorecard to justify your tenure.
My desire to keep teaching you is because; when I was your age, I was not afraid of taking risks; it was like I had a spare life in case I messed up the one I have. But by God’s grace, I survived. I cannot say I was not advised, but the management style then was rather authoritarian. Many times we missed the teaching point and simply obeyed out of fear. There were no explanations but commands and instructions: “Never do this and that. If you do it, you will be punished.”
Your highly esteemed grandparents (RIP) were so loving and the lashes I received were a blessing in disguise, and indeed, the reason I am who I am today.
I write to you to save you from being as stupid as I was. This is also the era of talking and teaching. Besides, my survival instincts may not necessarily work for you as the environment has changed.
By 40, I was referred to as Mzee, but despite all the love I have for you, I cannot donate to you a single year from my life. You cannot even inherit my certificates. The best I can do is pass down some of the wisdom and knowledge I have accumulated over the last 54 years.
There are two types of knowledge; the one you buy from schools and universities, and the one that comes from different experiences. What I am going to give to you cannot be bought from a bookshop. I am its sole owner until I write it down because two people can look at the same thing and see something different.
According to the Uganda Constitution, you are now adults and answerable for your actions. However, by my constitution, you are simply big babies who have grown in the city. The city is beautiful, but it denies you basic interaction with the natural environment that makes one an all-around person. The city environment is full of insincere behaviour, individualism, corruption and an “everyone for themselves and God for us all” attitude.
The electronic and print media, online chats and blogs are all full of decay and exaggerated truth. Some of the news items on the television are about wars, wickedness and senseless sensation designed to brainwash your minds. The alternative menu is entertainment from artificial love movies, nude dances and science fiction. In the midst of all this, I offer real-life guidance.
As you make the transition and get ready to say farewell to childhood, I will write my final note to you about marriage, because I want to believe that will be your next phase. However, that should be after we have celebrated several degrees and then I will, God willing, be ready for my next assignment to babysit my grandchildren.
All the letters I have written to you are from my heart. I sit back and wonder: “If I don’t tell my children what they ought to know, who will?” This information is not academic, and that is why I do not provide references. I do not write as an authority either, but simply dwell on my experience — good and bad alike — while appending a little from my general reading. I encourage you to read more to complement what I provide. Learning is a continuous process. When I was growing up, my father’s word was final, and I thought that was what would apply in my own family. But you have, over time, taught me to listen and I have been quick to pick those lessons. We are all imperfect as human beings, but getting on the way we do provides the gleeful atmosphere which we enjoy here at home together. I thank you for this.
HIV
One can say HIV has been over discussed, but it is still here, infecting and affecting people the same old way. So, to keep talking about it is simply a reminder that it is still here and as deadly as ever before. Despite whatever advice you may get about sex at your age, your hormones will speak to you with a contradictory message through the oestrous cycle also known as ovulation. During ovulation, the hormones make a woman interested in the opposite sex more than at other times, and there is nothing to be ashamed of about that. It simply shows that you are normal. In lower animal species, it is called “being on heat”.
While this situation is humanly normal, natural, and healthy, it is a very dangerously tempting moment every month. You can easily fall prey to abuse, and the abusers will only too eagerly take advantage of you. The regrettable consequence is unwanted pregnancy and/or HIV.
The good news is that God, in His wisdom, put controls over everything and as your different systems go on rampage, your brain (your conscience) can come in and demand order. Once your mind seriously suppresses those feelings, they are containable. Here are some ways to divert sexual feelings:
- As females, you are already protected by nature, because female sexual desire and arousal come slower than in males. It is, therefore, important that before your feelings get the better of you, divert your attention to alternative activities that will make you busy in a more helpful way.
- It also helps to avoid pornographic and sexually explicit movies and literature as these add fuel to fi re.
- Take a cold shower or do a chore that takes up your mind and energy resources.
- Remember, tantalising names from enticers such as sunshine, sweetie, honey, gold, silver, you name it, are simply bait and you will become katogo, kikomando, cassava, etc as soon as the ritual is over. Remember my words and do not fall into the trap.
HIV Infection: Females At Greater Risk
I am going to limit my emphasis on why females are more prone to HIV infection than their male counterparts.
- Immature women have fragile bodies that easily experience traumatic cuts during sex, which then provide open windows for the virus to enter the body.
- The female parts store deposited semen from the male for a long time, increasing the chances of the retrovirus crossing over the thin mucous lining into the bloodstream and thus leading to infection when the subject male is HIV positive.
- Pregnancy weakens the birth canal lining, increasing the risk of HIV infection.
- All females are prone to rape, so always avoid places and activities likely to expose you, like drinking to the extent of not being in control of yourself.
The writer is the headteacher/team leader at Kitebi Secondary School
