This article was first published in New Vision on March 13, 2013
I have a daughter who is four years of age. She goes to a kindergarten. Every time she returns from school, she narrates everything she learnt.
The only unexciting part is when she begins to bombard us with a chain of ‘why’ questions. ‘Mummy, why is daddy taller than you?’ ‘Can I also drive a car, mummy?’ ‘Why don’t you take me to your office in the morning?’
The list of questions is endless. I know that by asking she is learning, but how should we handle her ‘why’ questions? Sometimes she nags and gets on our nerves!
Rosemary
Dear Rosemary,
Children are always inquisitive and that is how they learn and perceive their world.
You need to spend some time with her so that you simplify the hard issues to make them understandable and realistic for her age.
Remember, what you teach her now is what will build her into a responsible or irresponsible person.
Lyne Muwanguzi
Dear Rosemary,
Your role as a parent should be emphasised because you are the foundation on which a successful academic life for your child begins.
As a parent, you understand your child better and you should always give her advice and support. Your other role is to inspire, listen and offer moral support at all times. This will increase the power of her self-belief.
Failure to provide answers to her questions will reduce the power of self-belief in your child
Qualified Brains Education consultants
Dear Rosemary,
By nature, children are curious. Their desire to understand the world intensifies from the age
of three and sometimes earlier. It is also at this stage that a child’s communication skills grow
rapidly. This is the age of wonder, curiosity and discovery.
They learn new words and would like to connect words to tangible objects. This is the time when children begin to make a connection between cause and effect. Asking many questions enables the child to practice the newly-acquired vocabulary, as well as connect words to everyday life experiences.
Interesting as this stage is, it might also be a tough time for parents, who may feel ill-equipped to answer a child’s questions. Parents may come to dread any questions that begin with ‘why.’ Stressful as it might be, this is a stage worth celebrating. The outflow of tricky questions also heralds a sudden upsurge in your child’s intellectual development.
It shows that your child is growing up and maturing mentally; a stage when your child begins to see the world through different lenses. Children will simply accept things the way they are, but a child with a greater degree of mental maturity will want to know why.
Curiosity and constant questioning of this nature is a fertile ground for learning. An inquisitive mind is an indicator that a child’s brain is ready for learning, both in and out
of the classroom. One important thing you need to acknowledge about a child’s curiosity is that you do not have to know all the answers.
Your daughter needs to understand from a tender age that no one person can be the fountain of all knowledge. Portraying a picture that you know it all might make her feel she must also know everything. In case she finds herself lacking in knowledge in future, she might feel frustrated and
inadequate.
Consider bouncing the question back to her with words like: ‘What do you think?’ Challenge her to do some basic research in an attempt to find the answers for herself. This could be one way of raising a child, who loves to hunt for knowledge on her own; who questions the validity of information and who goes the extra mile to verify the truth.
Just like a Polish paediatrician, Janusz Korczak, said in Loving Every Child, a child’s thinking is neither more limited nor inferior to that of an adult. It is simply different. The child thinks more with feelings than intellect.
That is why communication with children is a difficult art. Sometimes, children ask questions which do not necessarily need definite answers. Sometimes the ‘whys’ are a device to keep your attention or keep the conversation flowing.
By asking ‘why’ your daughter may mean ‘tell me more.’ Some questions are open to interpretation
and discussion. A question like ‘Why is daddy taller than you?’ In this case, do not just dismiss the subject. You could say something like: ‘Why do you think daddy is taller than mummy?’ You may be surprised by your child’s imaginative answer.
The golden rule is: If the question is answerable, do reply in brief. Do not launch into a lecture with too much detailed information. Your daughter might not understand or need the details. If you do not know the answer, be honest with her using words like: ‘That is an interesting question, but I don’t have the answer.
What do you think? Would you like to find out, remind me about your question tomorrow?’
Remember, children, thrive on positive attention. They need to feel loved and appreciated all the time.
Even when you feel nagged by your daughter’s ‘why’ questions, you need to ensure that she
does not feel guilty for bothering you. It is a development stage and she will soon
outgrow it.
Jamesa Wagwau, professional counsellor
