Bob G. Kisiki
You know that it’s possible to just give up! Very easy. Throw in the towel and say, to hell! I’ve had it! Because there’s every reason for a parent to get to that level. The scenarios are various; all horrendous.
It’s the reason parents have hacked or burnt or maimed their own children. Not because they hate those children; oh, how they love them! Yeah, I know how apparently contradictory this sounds. But I also know how love can make one feel frustrated.
Doing your very best for the child, and the child “kicking you back with the very leg you helped heal”, as the old Luganda saying goes. Putting your all into ensuring the child has everything they need and sometimes want, and getting ingratitude and entitlement in return!
Ensuring you show them the [right] way to take, and receiving call after call when the law or public consensus has caught them straying into forbidden paths – of indecent dressing; of alcohol and substance abuse; of wanton sex; of illicit trade; of being public nuisances; of so much stuff that could send you to an early grave, just thinking through it all! It’s very possible to throw in the towel and just sit back…
How much do your children know about the sacrifices you make for them? Do they know how you make your money and what it costs you to make it? Do they know the ailments you either suffer or risk suffering from the lifestyle you subject yourself to, to be able to cater for them?
Do they appreciate that ensuring they get whatever they have – and this is more than just material possessions – means you forego certain things – again more than just material items?
And no, I am not saying making them feel guilty about being your children; making them feel that provably if they didn’t exist, you would live the best life imaginable. I am talking about teaching them gratitude.
Telling them that when people go out of their way to serve them, those people must be appreciated. The waiter at the café. The person who slows down so you can turn into a side road. The boda-boda rider who delivers you safely to your destination. The teacher who returns your book with your answers marked.
The parent who returns home with a receipt indicating that your fees are paid; who drops you off to school every morning and who rushes from the office to your school when you have a crisis, so they can rush you to the hospital. People must be appreciated.
But it goes deeper than this. They must also be empathetic. They must know that when you find a pregnant mother who’s delivering her baby outside of the hospital ward, you don’t simply look the other side and walk on; you improvise a way of covering her before you dash to summon the nurses.
They should know that if the tout is threatening to throw a school child off the matatu (minibus taxi) over sh500, you offer to clear it. They must know that the foundation of community is everyone living for the comfort, safety and happiness of others.
The writer is a parenting counsellor and teacher
